A little effort...

I always knew that when i became a mother i would go out of my way to try and make sure that my child was not a little monster obsessed with tv, video games etc but rather someone who appreciated and even enjoyed the great outdoors. Some of my fondest memories of childhood are the ones playing outdoor with friends and cousins, acting silly in our make believe adventures. Seeing young children constantly cooped up inside their homes, glued to their tv screens or playing virtual games with friends sends chills down my spine. It just seems like this generation is losing out on something very special. Unfortunately the culture of children that played outside is gone and children’s everyday life has shifted almost completely to the indoors. As a result, spontaneous contact with nature is a vanishing experience of childhood.

In the recent years a growing body of research has shown that the natural environment has profound effects on ones well being. However today, with children’s lives disconnected from the natural world, their experiences are mainly shaped through the media. It is the sad truth that the virtual is replacing the real. Children of today do not have the understanding that nature exists in their own backyards and neighborhoods, which further disconnects them from the knowledge and appreciation of the natural world. Having said all that, I do however understand that its not as safe as it used to be for children to be playing outside. In today's busy lifestyle there are many factors which contribute to children's lack of interaction with the natural world.

Nonetheless I still think that it is up to to the parents to make the effort and give their children an opportunity to explore and consequently love the natural world around us. There are so many little things we can do. For example family outings can be an opportunity to explore the great outdoors. I personally love picnics and walks in the summer. After a Sunday spent in a country park i always feel re energised. During winter months there are other places parents can take their children, local zoo, farms or botanical gardens are only some examples.

A few weeks ago the hubster and I took our little monster to the Syon Park tropical Zoo. I can honestly say that if not more, then i definitely had as much fun as my little munchkin. It was an amazing experience as we made it just in time for the zoo's daily show and tell session, where parents and children are allowed to hold/stroke some of the animals. The team at the zoo was super friendly, making parents and children feel very comfortable the whole time. Most of the animals at the zoo are rescued from the illegal pet trade, private collectors or zoos and you get to hear a little about their rescue stories, during the show and tell session. The munchkin did not want to leave the zoo, she fell in love with the rabbits and the snakes. My personal favourite were the chinchillas.

Here are a few pics of our adventure:

Just remember...

"A moment of patience in a moment of anger prevents a thousand moments of regret.” Hazrat Ali.

This quote by Hazrat Ali is one of my favourites and i wish that it was something i was able to implement more strongly into my life. I am generally not a an argumentative person and more often than not i will try my utmost to prevent confrontations. However on the road of self-understanding i have come to recognise that as much as i try to avoid any sort of dispute with those around me, its the ones closest to me i often engage in arguments with. This has me thinking about whether i am merely admiring the words or have actually taken heed from this beautiful quote by a very wise man. For the last few days i have already started to hear about new years resolutions and can not help but think that it might be time to bring about some positive personal change.

I really believe that during moments of weakness, we cave in to the designs of our enemy, shaitan, who then consequently attacks in any way he can in order to divert us from God consciousness and makes us return to our animalistic nature. So anger by itself is not unnatural; rather history teaches us that many of our great prophets and our beloved prophet's Shahabas were often driven to feelings of anger. It is actually the way we conduct ourselves during this time which can lead to problems. The difference between the wild beasts and wild humans is the difference of free will. When a wild animal is provoked he does not think, whereas when a man becomes angry as a result of provocation, he has a choice to control his anger and respond to it as he has learned from the Qur'an and from Prophet Mohammad's (p.b.u.h) teachings. Thus wrongful actions of anger only take place when we are not in control of ourselves, but have in fact given up that control to the Shaitan.

Many of us have heard or read about the incident during the battle of khandaq when hazrat Ali (r.a) walked away from a man after overpowering him and when asked about it he simply replied that if he had killed him then it would have not been only for the sake of Allah (SWT) but also for the satisfaction of his anger.

During moments of anger when we let it take control of us our judgement gets clouded. I have always noticed that at times like these i end up saying the things that if thought rationally i would never utter. Someone very dear to me once told me that during these emotional moments our state is like that of someone standing amidst a whirlwind. Our vision gets blurred and this stops us from distinguishing even the most obvious of things.

Once a companion asked the Prophet (p.b.u.h), 'Give me some advice by virtue of which I hope for good in the life hereafter', and He said, "Don't be angry." Another person asked, 'what will save me from the wrath of God', and he said, "Do not express your anger." A third person asked, '0 Messenger of Allah, give me an order to do a short good deed', and he said, "Don't be angry."

To me this clearly shows that managing your actions while you are angry is something that is not easily done but rather is a hard task which has a lot of reward in it. To say that i will not be angry or get into situations where i find myself faced with confrontations or disputes is impossible and even naive to some extent. Rather, i believe i ought to control this feeling and do not let it lead me to that which is wrong and forbidden in our deen.

Alhumdulillah nothing in our beautiful deen is expected of us without us being given thorough advice on how to achieve it. Our beloved Prophet (p.b.u.h) has showed us how to conduct ourselves in times of anger. We are told that when angry, one should say "Audhu billahi minashaytan nirajim." [Bukhari, Muslim], or try to change his body position for example if he is standing, then he should sit, If the anger fails to subside, then he should lie down. [Abu Dawood One should also try to remain silent [Imam Ahmad]. Finally if none of the above work then one would be advised to make make wudhu. [Abu Dawood] and then make ghusl [Abu Nuaim]

I believe that personally for me, when i am really angry about something and am sitting around brooding over things, letting Shaitan mess around with my thoughts, the thing that would help me the most is to think of Allah. To think of Allah's anger and punishment, to forcefully remind my self of Allah's mercy and also His wrath. To think of what happens when He expresses His wrath? We humans who seek forgiveness from Allah must forgive others first.

This post is a personal reminder for myself, to work on something i believe will benefit me. I pray that Allah swt gives us all the understanding, the ability and the opportunity to direct all our actions for His sake. May we all learn to gain the pleasure of Allah through all our actions and may our imaan make us strong enough to fight our nafs and the shaitan continuously.

So, i was thinking......

I was blog hopping a few days ago when i came across a brilliant post by a fellow blogger. In her post, the writer was discussing a little issue she was encountering with her young daughter about the importance of tidiness. I loved reading her account on how she tried to teach her daughter a valuable life lesson but somewhere amidst all the explaining and nagging she learnt some crucial skills.

Not only was this blog entry a really good read, it also made me dwell on a few parenting matters myself. I grew up in a household where the issues of tidiness always brought up conflicts. My sweetest mother is a very very neat, tidy and organized person to say the least, while my dearest father is a man who likes to take things easy. All through out my child hood i witnessed my mum clean up after my dad while he nagged her for 'misplacing' his stuff. Unfortunately for my mum all four of her children have more or less gone after her husband when it comes to this matter.She tried really hard with us kids to be tidy and organised but it wasn't meant to be. My mum still comes around to my house and 'tries' to organise my room. I myself feel that there are somethings that are innate, you can not drill them into a child no matter how hard you try and if you push to hard it can create barriers between you and your child. When i read this sisters blog entry it got me thinking whether i am in someways trying to make my daughter be a bit like me.

Even before Aaminah was born i was busy making plans about the way i would like to raise my child. I remember discussing sometimes important but mostly irrelevant things with hubby dearest, who used to stare back at me like i was an alien trying to convince him to marry me. I always knew i would like to raise my child in an Islamic house hold and try to implement the teachings of the Deen into my parenting from the day he/she was born. On the other hand, i am an opinionated person and thus have my likes and dislikes on matters which our Deen is quite lenient on. Small things where we as parents are able to make the decisions based on our own understanding of the world around us, for example how we allow our young children (those who have not yet reached puberty) to socialise, dress etc. Reading the above mentioned blog entry got me think about the choices i am making as a parent, and whether i am permitting my child enough room to blossom and shape her own personality within the bounds of Islam, or have i become one of those parents who are too scared and overprotective to allow their children any room to grow. I know and see that sometimes parents can go to either of the extremes.

I really believe that as parents we have to be careful. We have to provide a balanced and relaxed environment for our children. An environment where they are able to become individuals who are comfortable in their beliefs.

Finally, I pray to Allah swt to help me raise my child in the right way to only please Him and not for the sake of appreciation from my company or solely based on my personal views and experiences. I pray that when it comes to the Deen i am always able to be firm all the while allowing my child to be her unique self.

 Narrated by A'isha
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said to me,
"O A'isha, be gentle,
for gentleness has never been used in anything without beautifying it;
and it has never been removed from something without debasing it."May Allah swt give us tauwfeeq to be gentle and just with our children.

My BFF

''The company of a good friend is like an owner of musk; if you don’t buy anything, you will get the smell of it. The company of a bad friend is like the blacksmith’s bellows; if you are not affected by its black dirt, you will be touched by its smoke.''
Prophet Mohammed (p.b.u.h)

For the last few years, my hubby dearest has been observing itekaaf (secluded retreat in a mosque, for a certain number of days)in the last ten days of every Ramadan. Before i got married, i had heard of people observing this practice, but almost all of them were people of old age who had hardly any worldly responsibilities left. Most these people were free from the burden of jobs, young children, schools or universities. However, the Ramadan after our dua-e-khair (Islamic equivalent of engagement), i heard that Mr. Ali Sufian Khan will be observing itekaaf that year. I remember my initial reaction being that of slight horror becuase i thought that my future husband might be trying to impress us with a show of piety. And i remember praying to Allah to save me if that was the case. Luckily for me, not only was my future husband far from a show off, i soon realised that he will become my guiding light. I found out that he had been observing itekaaf for quite a few years, a practice which he has continued with, even after our marriage.

In the last four years every time he leaves me for itekaaf, i get stranded with a mix of emotions. I always feel proud, seeing his car leave our drive way for the masjid, but i also feel a horrible pang of sadness as i realise that for the next ten days i will be deprived of my best friends company. Like all previous years, this Ramadan has brought me the same pride and sadness. Nonetheless this year, a little conversation on the iftaar table after hubby left, has me thinking about the importance of the right company. As we sat enjoying our iftaar on saturday my mother-in-law asked my father-in-law whether he had seen my husbands friends when he went to drop him off at the masjid. This question led me to think about my husbands friends cricle and the general comapny he keeps. I realised that all his close friends are young practicing Muslims. Young men who have played a significant role in the way my dearest husband has turned out today. I see how finding his best friend in university kept him grounded, because they both could keep each other in line. As for me, even though i have always been blessed with amazing friends, i haven never looked out to find practicing friends but for some reason beyond me, Allah has been to kind on me, as he has blessed me with a spouse who not only filled the void of practicing friends in my life but rather took on the role of a a guide too.

Over the last four years i have learned so much from Sai (a nick name used by only the closest women in my husbands life). He has been the most amazing teacher, and a sincere friend and my heart is full of duas for him. As we continue to grow together I have learned many important life lessons from my dearest husband. And recently, through him i have come to recognise the importance of good company and how it can turn lives around. I have also learned that practicing ones religion is not something to be safeguarded and kept hidden as a hobby for old age. Rather it is something that one lives with through out the course of a life time.

For now, Aaminah and i are patiently waiting for Eid and most importantly for our favourite person to come back from the masjid on the last eve of Ramadan, with his spirits high and engulfed in an aura of peace. We even have a little calendar on our notice board counting off the days left till we see him again :)))

Dil Dil Pakistan

So it was Pakistan's independence day yesterday.... Woohoo Go Pakistan, 1947-2011, baby. Rockstars. Ahhh but please keep it together so it can be a couple more decades, eh?

On a serious note, I guess it would be really easy to take a few minutes and start bashing the existence of pakiland and it's current state but for some odd reason i really don't feel like doing that. I know enough to really get me worried for the sanctity of this beloved country of mine but just for now i would like to ignore all that and concentrate on all that makes me proud of being a Pakistani.

My fondest memories of 14th august are of the few years we spent living next to my paternal grandmother's place in Wahh Cantt. I distinctly remember preparing for independence day in advance with my aunts and older cousin, buying large flags and bunting to decorate the house. I remember feeling so proud of my cousin because he was old enough to take part in the firework display on our street. I remember seeing green everywhere and every one's happy and pride filled faces. I remember making independence day cards at school. I remember the national anthem being repeatedly played on the TV and the patriotic national songs, ohh i used to love those, i still get the strongest sense of nostalgia whenever i hear one playing somewhere.

It's strange but having only lived the first 10 years of my life in Pakistan, it still feels more home than most other places i have lived. I miss Pakistan a lot and its such a blessing that hubby dearest also spent the first ten years of his life in Pakistan, because it means we can reminisce together and drag each other in and out of deep nostalgic trances.

There are a million things i miss about Pakistan and our short trips back home don't give us the chance to relive those. It's probably a blessing, because i am sure that childhood experiences are too pure and precious to be relived again. However, even though thinking of Pakistan and all that it means to me brings bitter sweet memories flooding back and plants a huge smile on my face, there is one aspect of it all that makes me quite sad. I just find it such a loss that all that all the cultural experiences i am able to share with my loved ones, i will not be able to share with my daughter. To Aaminah Pakistan will never hold the same meaning as it did for me... However, i do hope to teach her and show her what a great country her parents came from and why all the sacrifices our forefather made sixty four years ago, were well worth it. I hope that she is able to grow up and feel a sense of belonging to a country that gave me an identity to be proud of.

Finally, lots and lots of duas for the sovereignty of this beloved country that didn't come cheap 64 years ago...