I was blog hopping a few days ago when i came across a brilliant post by a fellow blogger. In her post, the writer was discussing a little issue she was encountering with her young daughter about the importance of tidiness. I loved reading her account on how she tried to teach her daughter a valuable life lesson but somewhere amidst all the explaining and nagging she learnt some crucial skills.
Not only was this blog entry a really good read, it also made me dwell on a few parenting matters myself. I grew up in a household where the issues of tidiness always brought up conflicts. My sweetest mother is a very very neat, tidy and organized person to say the least, while my dearest father is a man who likes to take things easy. All through out my child hood i witnessed my mum clean up after my dad while he nagged her for 'misplacing' his stuff. Unfortunately for my mum all four of her children have more or less gone after her husband when it comes to this matter.She tried really hard with us kids to be tidy and organised but it wasn't meant to be. My mum still comes around to my house and 'tries' to organise my room. I myself feel that there are somethings that are innate, you can not drill them into a child no matter how hard you try and if you push to hard it can create barriers between you and your child. When i read this sisters blog entry it got me thinking whether i am in someways trying to make my daughter be a bit like me.
Even before Aaminah was born i was busy making plans about the way i would like to raise my child. I remember discussing sometimes important but mostly irrelevant things with hubby dearest, who used to stare back at me like i was an alien trying to convince him to marry me. I always knew i would like to raise my child in an Islamic house hold and try to implement the teachings of the Deen into my parenting from the day he/she was born. On the other hand, i am an opinionated person and thus have my likes and dislikes on matters which our Deen is quite lenient on. Small things where we as parents are able to make the decisions based on our own understanding of the world around us, for example how we allow our young children (those who have not yet reached puberty) to socialise, dress etc. Reading the above mentioned blog entry got me think about the choices i am making as a parent, and whether i am permitting my child enough room to blossom and shape her own personality within the bounds of Islam, or have i become one of those parents who are too scared and overprotective to allow their children any room to grow. I know and see that sometimes parents can go to either of the extremes.
I really believe that as parents we have to be careful. We have to provide a balanced and relaxed environment for our children. An environment where they are able to become individuals who are comfortable in their beliefs.
Finally, I pray to Allah swt to help me raise my child in the right way to only please Him and not for the sake of appreciation from my company or solely based on my personal views and experiences. I pray that when it comes to the Deen i am always able to be firm all the while allowing my child to be her unique self.
Narrated by A'isha The Prophet (peace be upon him) said to me, "O A'isha, be gentle, for gentleness has never been used in anything without beautifying it; and it has never been removed from something without debasing it."May Allah swt give us tauwfeeq to be gentle and just with our children.
